This is a work of satire: names, characters, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual events, persons, or whores, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
If Evelyn Waugh had lived in Washington DC and he had seen the “things” I saw he might have written … The Weird One:
“Mommy, the front desk took a message for you,” Son yelled across the apartment doors.
Mommy was yelling into her telephone on the opposite side.
“Fuck you,” was all Son could hear.
He lay down on his pallet to catch a few winks, when Mommy slammed open the door.
“I guess I told that son of a bitch CEO off,” Mommy said.
“Ummm,” was all Son could muster in a sleep state.
“Wake up, Son,” Mommy yelled.
“Yes, I am awake.”
“Good,” Mommy leered, as she snapped her leather saddle strap to the floor.
“The front desk had a message from Dr. Weaselman,” Son said.
“That god-damned, mother fucking, son of a bitch, Jew bastard,” Mommy replied.
“He wants you to come to his office to give him a stool sample,” Son said.
“I told that mother fucker to come here to the Gatewater to collect my stool sample.”
“Well, I guess he wants you to go to his office at Abraham Lincoln University.”
“That is fucking it for me,” Mommy said, “I am not endowing a chair in Dr. Weaselman’s name, you can bet your fucking dick on that.”
She snapped the leather saddle strap to the floor again.
“I feel like it is 1963,” Mommy said with a gnarl.
“You don’t mean it, Mommy,” Son said, a shiver of dread in his voice.
“I do fucking mean it,” Mommy said. “Take your pants and underwear off.”
“I just remembered I have an appointment with Dr. Roberts. I have to go now.”
“Fuck, Dr. Roberts,” Mommy said. “No goddamn Okie tells me what to do.”
“He ain’t telling you what to do. He’s telling me what to do,” Son said. “And you can’t accuse him of being a Jew bastard because Oklahoma isn’t haven to many Jews.”
“If you see Dr. Roberts then he’ll tell Dr. Fink about me,” Mommy said. “I forbid you seeing Dr. Roberts.”
“Too late, Mommy, I have to go now,” Son said as he grabbed his coat and quickly left the Gatewater Chamber of Horrors behind him. He could hear the leather strap hitting the floor behind him as could fellow Gatewater resident Julie, who Son ran past her on his way to the elevator to freedom, safety and sanity.
---More to Come---
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